Nora (ixnotyourstarxi) wrote,

still for love and life

i am determined to stick to my newfound ideals. i couldn't stay away from facebook though, as hard as i tried. i'm just too curious. i am completely compelled to stick to my other "conditions" though... even if i can't quite describe them completely or even extensively remember them for all they were at one point. maybe i should write shit down more often. even if i did that though, i wouldn't be able to read my own writing.

but i know the point, and why i am doing this, and that's all that matters at the moment.

went to GLB with matty lavoie tonight after my mcat class. it was really nice to just chill with him for a bit, haven't done that with him in a long time. i'm not interested in him the way i used to be, but i really miss all the good times we spent together. he's a great kid, and i get along with him really well.. he's also an interesting, intellectual person, which i appreciate. even if we don't even usually talk intellectually, it's still nice to know i'm not always hanging out with tards. jolly john joined us after a little bit, and that was awesome too. i really miss these kids, and how much time i used to spend with them. i guess i've just done a significant amount of growing up in the past year. i used to spend the night there, getting wasted and hardly sleeping, and get up (or not) to go to class in the morning. i just don't really do that so much anymore... i was in such a different place a year ago. i'd like to think i'm wise beyond my years, and that i pretty much know all i need to for the most part, but i always look back and think about how naive i was, and how much i've grown. i only noticed this tonight when matt said his phone's one year anniversary was coming up. strange, how completely mundane and impersonal circumstances can remind you of a large, chunky, scene in your life. how these small things can make you think of so many emotions and memories that seem so far away... until they are brought back by some seemingly meanless and unimportant detail. almost like the way the sensation of smell does. we are a product of our environments and the specific elements, emotions, people, and situations we have been exposed to.

All things appear and disappear because of the concurrence of causes and conditions. Nothing ever exists entirely alone; everything is in relation to everything else. -Buddha

this is a great quote, taken from a surprising source...
A human being should be able to change a diaper,plan an invasion, butcher a hog, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. -Heinlein

if it weren't for the musicalities in life, i don't think i could exist. i love waking up and thinking "this is going to be a good day. no matter what."

i want more tattoos, and have plenty of ideas, but need more money.

i desire a change in my life so much sometimes, but at the same time, i love what i have right now so much. lots of times i find myself overwhelmed with happiness for my situation, job, school, friends, and just in general where my life is. but other times, i want nothing more than to pack all my shit and just drive until i find a place suitable for my endeavors. i've done that too often, and i think the only reason i get that feeling is because this is the first time since i was 13 that i've been in a place with the same friends for so long. it's weird to have a goal, and the future so easily in sight. i am used to, and have come to expect, the unexpected and spontaneous. i guess it's just in my nature at this point.

i love how much snow we've been getting, and it's so beautiful and fresh... but i really long for the careless, golden afternoons. GAH INTERNAL CONFLICT DA;LKIHDSAIHOEWAKALDSLKA;HLD!!!!!

"Ennui has made more gamblers than avarice, more drunkards than thirst, and perhaps as many suicides as despair."

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