she'll destroy us all before she's through [entries|friends|calendar] Nora [ Website | Become a rock star ] [ Info | don't want to look much closer ] [ calander. | The present's just a pleasent interruption to the past ] [ Memories | hope in me that I could take you there ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

to love and to be loved...... [Saturday, Jul 25th, 1:12pm] [ mood | contemplative ] i just woke up a bit ago.. so it's still a little early for me to get my mind working properly, but i just read something that i agree with absolutely and indefinitely. i'm a shitty writer myself, but i appreciate good writing like the bane of my fucking existence. that might not make sense to some people, but it does to me, so fuck off. anyway. "What conditions are you willing to let go of today?" and she goes on to list 5 conditions, pointing out the reasoning and importance behind each. it doesn't matter here what her conditions were, but it's making me think of mine. the condition i need to let go of is the romantic in me. i need to stop fucking around with trying to fall in love. i don't need it to exist. i have a plan right now, and it explicitly includes NOT falling in love. i don't need some stupid boy hanging off me when i'm trying to study in med school. besides, who knows, i may end up as far away as in the caribbean. at the same time though, my personal beliefs are completely getting in the way of this condition that i'm trying to let go of. my thoughts are a jumble of incomplete sentences and hypocritical ideas. "Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." ~ Buddha "I love believing in a soul mate, even though sometimes I feel I have no soul to share" ~ Jason Mraz "people think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave." i tend to not want to share myself, for fear of being trampled on. it has only happened twice in my life (and i have done it countless times to others), but each time it feels like my world is ending. this past time made me feel like i could never go through that torture ever again. i did eventually heal some months later, but it left a gaping scar -- one that i'll never get rid of. i don't mind having battlewounds, i actually like what they do for my personality, i just don't like getting hurt. the process is too much. besides, i'm young, and i shouldn't let all that emotional crap bog me down. ..... let's just hope that is enough. jesus. i'm going to go dye my hair now. it's long overdue. isn't that what you said.

[Monday, Jul 20th, 9:54pm] [ mood | detached ] i have crazy bruises on my legs from tripping up the stairs at bull feeney's on my birthday. funny thing is, i was still on my first drink when it happened. i bet i looked like the drunkest kid in the place though.. dude i HATE mcat class. 3 hours is way too long to sit in a lecture hall and think about chemistry, physics, orgo, and biology. not to mention, the chairs are made of wood and are really uncomfortable. makes my butt fall asleep. my mind races with all my longings, but can't keep up with what i got charle and i are suiting up for her 21st bday. i think it's a brilliant idea. went suit shopping today and got some badass stuff. now we're thinking of getting little tiny cartoon suit tattoos to commemorate the occasion. i want it on a little hanger on my wrist, but don't know if that would cause me problems in the long run, professionally. i'm trying to decide if i give a shit... i've got a pretty good idea where my life is going at this point. i've got a solid 5 to 10 year plan. but i don't know where my emotions lie these days. i feel so fucking disconnected from people. i know i care about relationships and all that jazz deep down.. but it just makes me nauseous thinking about it. blah blah blah. the love i sell you in the evening by the morning won't exist.. maybe i just like the chase and games.. meh gonna go drink myself silly with erin and wade now isn't that what you said.

hangin out with the thurs [Friday, Jul 17th, 2:58am] [ mood | ambivalent ] [ music | who knows ] like i've said time and time again... i am notorious for fucking shit up. it won't ever cease to be true. i should write a book..., "a tale of two noras." also, i'm going to resurrect my gangster rapper career. and become a vampire. swick. not like anyone reads this shit anyway HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ALSDKFHAWPEFH;VANEWPOAEWHOFHEWFVOAWEHFIOAHEWFHAW take that, assholes. what up. isn't that what you said.

hair drama [Thursday, Jan 4th, 6:20pm] [ mood | hmmmm ] so the past few days for me has consisted of figuring out what to do with my hair. i knew i wanted it cut, but i didn't know how. do i trim it? style it? chop it off? OH THE DECISIONS! so i finally went and got it done. this is my story in pictures. this is when i decided my hair had gotten waaaaayyyy out of control i mean, look at this. it's crazy. poor nora, you can barely see her face. so i went to my hairdresser and had her cut it. the short bangs and most of the style were josiah's idea. and i wanted to keep it short on top so i could faux hawk it! you can kind of see the sides and back with this one... and here comes my attempt at a faux hawk... annnnnnnd from the side.. yeah, i really need to get better at this thing. i need to go out and buy some wax and heavy duty hair spray or something. oo la la? rocking out. oh my, what a trip. so anyway, i would love to get some feedback on this.. i really don't know if i like it yet. i know i'm not in love with the new cut right now. should i keep it? or grow it out? or do something different? 9thought what that song meant isn't that what you said.

[Monday, Jul 18th, 2:20pm] i'm sure i've posted these lyrics before.. but today only feels fitting for them again, since the secondary title is "happy birthday to me" and that's what today is. happy god damned birthday to me, mother fuckers. all eyes on the calendar another year i claim of total indifference to here the days pile up with decisions to be made i'm sure all of them were wrong into this song, i send myself and with these drinks i plan to collapse and forget this wasted year... these wasted years... devoted friends, they disappear i'm sorry about the phone call and needing you some decisions you don't make i guess it's like breathing and not wanting to there are some things that you can't fake. i guess that it is typical to cling to memories you'll never get back again and to sort through old photographs of a summer long ago or a friend that you used to know and there, below his frozen face you wrote the name and that ancient date that ancient date and you can't believe he is really gone when all that's left is a fucking song i'm sorry about the phone call and waking you i know that its late but thank you for talking because i needed to some things just can't wait yeah, some things just can't wait... 6thought what that song meant isn't that what you said.

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